After dealing with illness, traveling, the holidays, and not feeling very creative, I have decided to get back to the blog. To those of you who have worried about my absence, I totally appreciate your concern! I am doing pretty darn good, all things considered…which has made me give a lot of thought to my new normal.
My friend, Julie, a cord blood transplant survivor, wrote me a sweet note a few weeks ago and mentioned that she was trying to find her “new normal”. It was nice to have a name for this phase of my survivorship. As a stem cell transplant survivor, I had been thinking a lot about it myself and struggling. “Whenever I am off of my immune suppressant drug, sirolimus, I can do such and such” and then, “what if that never happens”. I had to throw off my rose colored glasses and realize that “normal” will never be the same as it was before I got sick. This doesn’t mean it is particularly bad, it just means my life is different. It is impossible to go through the journey without being changed.
The first of December I got sick with a sore throat. It was the first time I had been sick since my transplant at MD Anderson a year and a half ago. I totally understand now why we must go through all the things we do to prevent getting sick. Without much of an immune system (I am still on sirolimus), I became very ill very quickly, was hospitalized, and it took a month to get well. Which made me realize the importance of compliance. As time goes on, carelessness can creep in. I truly realized the importance of all the things my survivorship nurse at MD Anderson had taught me. I’m really good at hand washing and sanitizing, and staying away from people who are sick, but I had come to the realization that I must live my life like a healthy person out in the real world instead of staying couped up at home afraid of getting sick. I guess what started me thinking about all of this was that a few months ago I tried to get off of sirolimus, with the permission of Dr. Hosing. It didn’t work. It took only a week to have symptoms of Graft vs Host Disease, and much, much longer than that to get back to where I was. Actually I don’t feel like I am as good as I was before trying to get off of sirolimus. I am really looking forward to my appointments at MD Anderson next month. This brings me back to my new normal.
I can honestly say that the things I occasionally gripe about…taking a lot of medicine, chemo fried hair, tiredness, frequent blood tests, feeling isolated, and lots of other “stuff”, are really not all that bad. In fact I am really proud of where I have been and where I am now in this journey. It is just a matter of acceptance and compliance. And remembering all of the many wonderful blessings and friendships that have been given me! The positive things far outweigh the negative.
So, here it is in a nutshell! Find your new normal, keep compliant with your meds and care, live life to its fullest, and accept the beauty and wonderfulness of being given a second chance!
